My mom passed away 5 years ago and here is a raw vulnerable post about my mixed feelings of sadness and relief
My time to be vulnerable- my mom passed away 5 years ago on a Saturday morning February 13, 2021. She was taken from the nursing home to the hospital and didn’t make it, she was unresponsive. She went into the nursing home the year before, at the beginning of Covid, dealing with dementia and eventually Alzheimer’s and she spiraled quickly. Even though I spoke to her daily I still think she may have died of a broken heart since she wasn’t able to see her family.
I feel like the last couple years of her life, I was making decisions about her care by myself. I mean, I would run them by my teenage daughters, but I was the adult, the main one responsible for her care. 
Prior to this. All I wanted was boundaries and space to live my own life as an adult. As I have learned and grown since her death, I have since learned that our relationship was very codependent and my people pleasing self fed into this.
Here is the problem, I still have this guilt about actually feeling free and relief from her death. I also have some deep resentment for her and others in my family for events that happened in my life.
As I want to move forward in joy I need to resolve these resentments and do some forgiving. I have had the following book, workbook and journal in my possession since my mom’s death and I now realize it needs to stop collecting dust and be gone through and worked so I am able to move forward into complete joy.
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again
By Lysa TerKeurst
Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain, playing offenses over and over in your mind? You know you can’t go on like this, but you don’t know what to do next. Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled through this journey. But in surprising ways, she’s discovered how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right.